Founder file · 01The Penitent
Rev. Natty Hawth
The Diocese does not fire people. The Diocese reassigns them somewhere with worse cell service.
- Builds a parish one regular at a time
- Knows disgrace is survivable
- Keeps the doors open to every soul
Background
Why this person bought the hill
Reassigned to mountain ministry after 'redirecting' the church roof-repair fund into a wager on the high school hockey championship. You won. That was not the point, apparently.
You come from four hundred years of New England Puritans. A Hawth sat in judgment at Salem in 1692 and the family has been living it down ever since, so public disgrace arrived in your life as an heirloom, not a surprise.
The Diocese meant it as exile. You saw a bankrupt hill going up for auction the same week, and a congregation that could use a reason to drive up on Sundays.
Your ministry begins with plain work: turn first-time visitors into familiar faces, then a congregation.
So let the Diocese pencil its red letter in the margin. You intend to wear the thing: they can call this place Scarlet Mountain, first chair at nine, and every soul on the lift is welcome.
The legacy ladder
Six titles earned across a career
- First Congregation
Win back 40 regulars to the first hill and close your first season in the black. Even a reassigned man can fill a pew.
- Parish in the Pines
Bring a second hill into the parish and welcome 60 regulars between them.
- Canon of the Cold
Own 3 hills with 80 regulars between them. Word travels between parishes.
- Bishop of Boilerplate
Own 5 hills and 150 loyal regulars. Three congregations deep now.
- Archbishop of the Snow
Own 8 hills and 260 regulars region-wide. Even the Diocese has stopped asking questions.
- Plenary Indulgence
All 10 hills and 350 regulars, every lift line a congregation. The reassignment, it turns out, was a blessing.






